The Starting Line

As a former track and field 'superstar', I know first-hand the dreaded anticipation of the starting blocks and the feeling in your gut before the gun fires.  There is a lot that goes into that nanosecond before the starter pistol clicks.  You must spend hours training your body and mind - it's these preparation skills that I have acquired along the way and must cultivate on my path.  I have trained my body by achieving my Bachelor's degree, working various jobs and building a skill-set and flashy resume.  Training my mind will always be a constant motion; staying positive and confident that I have something great to offer this world.  What that may be, it's up in the air for now!

Various Radical Considerations:

• WOOF International - this is an organization that places people to work on organic farms around the globe, offering free board and food in exchange for hard-labor hours.  Why does this appeal to me?  I have this idea that I want to eventually live off-the-grid someday and grow and farm my food.  At times where I find myself most vulnerable, I always seem to fantasize a life on a mountain, surrounded by trees, animals, lakes and a garden.  It's such a strong force, that I don't want to ignore it.  I don't consider my tiny apartment with four plants a starting point for this goal.
• GAP Adventures - these are organized, long-term, out of the country group trips.  I haven't seen the world, and have no previous experience traveling over-seas, so it scares me, but there is a solution that does appeal to me. I could drop some cash, hop on a plane and have a travel adventure with like-minded people and feel safe that I have a hotel booked and dirty bus to catch.  This would be my "Eat, Pray, Love" portion of the path to enlightenment, and who knows, I may never come back to my tiny apartment.  
• Backdoor Jobs - Short-Term Adventure Jobs - How about spending the summer in Alaska kayaking and hiking the great wilderness?  I found this website through a friend and considered it to be amazing.  I need to spend more time to see what they have to offer, but it's hard to initially contemplate moving to a farm on Vermont during the summer months and miss beach volleyball season in San Diego. 
• Volunteerism - I want to spend time giving back and being in a social environment to help others in need. I have checked the box for the San Diego Food Bank and next stop is an animal shelter.  Pets lift my spirits and that is what I need in my life right now.  
• Spiritual Path - As I re-read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, I am trying to include meditation into my daily life.  I've committed to 20 minutes twice a day.  It's challenging, but uplifting and as my days grow more positive, I have to admit it's working.  I will also re-commit to my yoga practice and just keep moving.  I've been contemplating killing my television for some time now, and will incorporate more reading into my days, so I don't have the time to numb my brain on reality tv. 

I may be at the starting line now, but as time moves on, I will soon be flying around the corner and hitting the straight-away with my long strides and burning lungs, knowing that I finish first.

Books finished thus far....
The Marriage Plot, by Jeffrey Eugenides -- freakin' awesome!
The Writing Life, by Annie Dillard -- quick read and transcendental

Living the Dream and Dreaming to Live

At age 33, I find myself at a great turning point in life. Thus far, I have been aimlessly living, working and playing without really paying attention to what I want out of life, and what truly makes me happy.  It seems like an easy-enough question to answer, but as I go around and around in my head, I really have no clue.  Part of me is scared, unsure, insecure and plain lazy.  The other part is motivated and hopeful.  It is the latter that drives me to write this blog and take the action steps to become a better me.

I was riding the business banking wave in 2008 and thought it was a good place to be at the time -- not great, just good.  I loved my managers and working environment, but it slowly started to disintegrate and there was no turning back.  After a couple years of being stagnant, losing motivation and not knowing what was to come, the banking world shifted upside down for me.  Ultimately, it was a blessing in disguise and now I spend my days in complete freedom, with no schedule, alarm clock, or dry cleaning bills.

It's been 8 months of a roller coaster of feelings - first happy and relieved, then feelings of inadequacy and stress to everything in between when you live a life of leisure and automatic bi-monthly paychecks.  I have been fortunate with my low-maintenance, low-budget lifestyle and savvy savings skills.  I do recognize with certainly that I'm not driven by money or fancy things; I just want to be at peace, happy and fulfilled.  It is at this time that I can no longer wait by the sidelines and hope that something great will just fall into my lap. Although, I haven't particularly tried too hard to find a new job, and now is no better a time to start.  Maybe it's not a full-out career plan (just yet), but just some thoughts that have been running across my mind that I will start to take action on.

Considerations to come...