Altruism & Enneagram

Thought patterns are very interesting to me; how one thought can lead you somewhere unexpected and yet, it seems as though it was intentional from the beginning.  I have been dealing with a range of not-so-easy emotions these past weeks, and they mainly fluctuate between red-hot anger and bitter sadness. Both, of which are simply killing me, after all the work I have put into my new path and promise to myself to let things go that I cannot change.  When the anger and sadness briefly fade away, I start to feel my altruistic side kick in and it creates an empathy for the person I am angry at.  I find myself making excuses for being treated a certain way, and wanting to reach out and solve the problem, encourage help and accept a truce for the sake of 'closure'.

Altruism is one of the greatest characteristics any human can possess.  It is the opposite of being selfish.  It is the sacrifice of your time, energy, love or money for the sake of someone else, with no expectations of anything in return.  Although, in return, comes peace of mind that good things happen to good people and what goes around, comes around.

With that in mind, and my struggle of anger (which only harms me) or try to resolve an issue (which is unresolvable), I wondered why I think this way, while others would just stay mad, or simply not care or repress the feeling all together.  It was this thought pattern that brought me to the word Enneagram - which means design of nine and it's a system that can be used as a map to journey into our personality.  According to this system, there are nine personality types, each with unique gifts, talents, motivations, sensitivities, and weaknesses.  A complex system showing us our habits of mind, false assumptions, asset and liabilities, feelings and behavior patterns.

I took the free test.  Download here.

My test score led me to Type 2 Personality - The Helper.

The Helper:
Caring, Interpersonal type.  Two's are empathetic, sincere & warm-hearted.  They are friendly, generous, & self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering & people-pleasing.  They are well-meaning & driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed.  They typically have problems with possessiveness & with acknowledging their own needs.  

At their Best: Unselfish & altruistic; they have unconditional love for others.

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted or unworthy of being loved.

Basic Desire: To feel loved.

Two's are most interested in what they feel to be the "really, really good" things in life - Love, closeness, sharing, family & friendship.  

I wouldn't want to be labeled any other way.  I am the quintessential "Helper".  Those are my fears, my desires and my best attributes.  With this new information in hand, I can study the Enneagram in depth to learn more about my patterns and what to watch out for and how I better relate with others.  There are a few books on this subject, so off I go to the library!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  2013

Dance Little Liar

I have a job, now what?!

Cue the music.  Cue the lights.  I am enlightened!

Or not.  My path continues...

After nearly 15 months of unemployment, I had no clue what I was up against in the world of cubicles, computer programs, quirky co-workers and too close for comfort bathroom situations.  Apparently, technology (the death of me) and marketing go hand-in-hand.  It wasn't and still isn't an easy adjustment to go back to the 8 - 5 grind, but I've found my way through some of the hurdles and continue to build my confidence.  I can relate to others who gone through unemployment for an extended period of time.  I fought my way through every last interview with the bravado of an experienced, intelligent, no-holds-barred sales and marketing machine.  That facade crumbled on day one when I basically didn't even know how to log onto my computer and thought the office was playing a practical joke on me when I was the first to arrive in the morning.  Thankfully, that didn't last too long.  My computer has stayed on - no logging on, necessary and I fumbled my way through some of the programs and reports and spreadsheets and starting to get into a groove.  I know I like the job when I don't look at the clock every minute waiting for the bell to ring.  I'm happy with the way everything panned out for me in this new career and I think I'll stay awhile.

With every new experience, heartache, struggle and loss of direction, I get a little bit stronger each time.  The truth is always right around the corner.  It has a funny way of showing up sometimes, but it's always there.  It's that little voice in your head, giving you reassurance that everything happens for a reason.

As the new year approaches, I intend to go back to where I started when writing this blog and follow the steps:

1. Be happy - Love life and life will love you back.
2. Meditation 
3. Help others - give back
4. Read more

Those aren't the easiest of tasks; I have my work cut out for me.  Looking back, as I followed those steps, my life turned around and I was genuinely happy on the inside and I know I can get back to that place again.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"  Lao-Tzu

There are no absolutes

Unemployment sucks.  Where are all the jobs?  Interviews suck.  What is my purpose?  Should I settle?  Why do I have to endure more suffering?  I feel like my feet are stuck in 1000 pounds of cement and I don’t know how to move forward. 

How can I find peace of mind in the face of all of this?

Many times I have reasons to be unhappy and sometimes reasons to be happy.  My new task is to be unreasonably happy.

Quite Sufficient

"As strange as it sounds, meditation may reveal that we are happier than we thought we were.  We may discover that ancient conditioning rather than present circumstances is causing our dissatisfaction, and that this moment is quite sufficient or even wonderful, and we simply hadn't noticed".
 -Wes Nisker (Buddha's Nature)

Only our searching for happiness prevents us from seeing it.  It is within.  It is always there.
To save myself from incredible amounts of suffering, I must remember to 'let it go', 'let it go'.

Mexico & Beyond

I took a long walk today; it was overdue.  My schedule has been changing these past few weeks and I’m learning to adjust.  Walking and thinking; it’s my favorite form of meditation.  It’s good to get out of a typical schedule and be able to easily re-adjust to a new one.  No matter what the circumstance, my priorities are constant.  I love my active lifestyle and that will never change. 

I hit it up a notch this past weekend, by going on a caravan with new people to Rosarito, Mexico to play in a volleyball tournament.  I was hesitant to go on this trip, because I only knew a handful of people and was nervous to play in a draw tournament.  I’m very happy that I convinced myself to go, as the people I met were super cool and I made the play-offs.  My social circle just continues to expand, proving it’s never too late in life to make new friends.  By joining a new volleyball league, I found people to play with and friends to hang out with as well.  This is something anyone can do.  What are your passions in life, or what are you curious to learn more about doing?  There are groups and opportunities for everything imaginable and by trying them out, you just may make a new friend or two.  In Mexico, I truly felt like I was part of the beach volleyball community and hanging with the ‘cool kids’.  I realize that no matter what, I will always have an active lifestyle and stay competitive in some way.  

My freelance reporting is not gonna pay the bills, but it’s rewarding in other ways.  Check out my new article:

http://sduptownnews.com/labor-of-love-in-the-heart-of-mission-hills/

Back on Track

The Summer of Sara (2.0) has started off with a bang!  It’ll be a year ago next month when my unemployment started.  Looking back, in the beginning, it was a time of excitement and nervousness.  I had no real plan, but felt happy and filled my time with fun and activities.  I wasn’t prepared to look for a job right away, because I only wanted to enjoy the moment and deal with the rest later.  Well, it’s later – a year later and I’m enjoying the moments again.  My personal life has come full-circle, and I continue to develop my talents and passion to find the right career path. 

Despite the “June gloom”, I won’t let a little cloud coverage stop me from enjoying the beach.  I’m taking full advantage of volleyball games, waterskiing and long walks.  I know this could all end with one phone call and an offer, so I don’t feel guilty while at play.  With the freelance reporting gig, I truly like the process of interviewing and writing. It has been fulfilling. I believe that this could actually develop into something larger than what it is now.  I am in control of what that could be, as I need to reach out and find other avenues for people to utilize my skills. 

I am almost finished with my second article for the SD Uptown News.  It’s another business profile – this one for a new, trendy restaurant.  Bonus points for some free, yummy food and a supportive dinner date.  I am a real lucky girl with a permanent smile on my face.  I am proud of myself for making positive changes in my life and attitude.  I was the only one who could get me there, and I still work at it everyday.  More fun times to come!  

The Curveball

Life is not predictable. Just when I thought I had a little traction on the job-front, things keep changing for me.  I’m able to roll with the punches and be open for any ‘pitch’ that may be thrown my way, but with each strike, I lose some motivation.  From one day to the next, I find myself contemplating my actions, or lack thereof and wonder if this contentment is enough for me?  Without a schedule, life can be a challenge to keep on track and bring focus on the end goal – employment. 

   

Would my perfect scenario really manifest for me?  I visualize it, but why do I feel that it may just be too good to be true?  I am conditioned to believe a certain way, and it needs to change in order for me to be okay with today and stop worrying about tomorrow.  I will continue to put myself out there and take on another reporting assignment.  The first one helped build a lot of confidence in my writing skills.  I’m a Reporter! 

http://sduptownnews.com/powers-plumbing-a-modern-boneyard-of-tanks-and-parts/